Un deux trois – no – uno dos tres – not quite – isa dalawa tatlo – almost there – how about, one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen and nineteen – now that seems about right. All of us have a certain age, some old some young, and what I enumerated was my own. However, why did I not just say explicitly that I was nineteen, why the need for an “unnecessary” development towards the age that I am right now? Through the explanation of how this development is necessary also encompasses how I would want to synthesize my experiences on the subject, Understanding The Self.
My initial thoughts with regards to the subject was quite bland, and to be honest, quite confused on the purpose of this subject. Typical thoughts from unaware students like “Why not just reduce the number of classes we have to take for us to have more breathing room?” and it was similar to mine because of what I experienced in the first semester of college, and how I am dreading the difficulty of the second, which is another hell in itself. Confused questions such as: “Will this be another Intact of some sorts?” and “Will it be just a dragged out reflection meeting in order to “free” and “feel” our spirituality?”. Well, I was surprised and quite excited when I read the syllabus of the subject. It’s not a dragged out reflection meeting nor another form of Intact, but a scholarly class which discuss various magnificent concepts and sound theories, which have that supreme goal of, alluding to the title of the course, understanding oneself. The experience has not only left me to understand myself more, but also how to understand the behavior of others.
Now, we seem to be deterring from the concept of counting the years, so let’s go back to that, starting with the year “Nineteen”. Now we will use the year nineteen as our primary year as this is the year I experienced all of this, but you will be surprised on how the incorporation of the years will unveil. Nineteen is an extremely hard five months, adjusting to the new hell better known as the second semester. Also in Nineteen is the time I first encountered the subject of Understanding the Self, and the first lesson was Bronfenbrenner’s Theory, and an idea within it is the importance of context to the identity of the self of the person. This sort of idea allowed me to perceive myself in my own context, and not only within the context of my experiences encompassed in Nineteen but everything that has happened towards to this event. Everything that I was taught by my mother, father, brothers, cousins, relatives, teachers, and friends. All the good and rough times, those people who have been with me through thick and thin, especially the years I was struggling with my father’s death. All those past relationships I have before, every experience makes who I am today. Every event and teaching has created this self that is identified as Jaycob Bustamante, that I am not merely Nineteen, but also Eighteen to One.
Furthermore, during this time we also tackled defense mechanisms, the psychosexual stages theorized by Sigmund Freud, and Psychosocial stages by Erik Erikson. While the two prominent theories tackled how the person develops in different formats, it showed similarity on how the person develops, by achieving a certain objective which then signals that the individual is developing. However, while there is progress within the theories, it is more explicit in the latter the negative responses to progress, and therefore having regression. Most of these regressions are simple actions, but this can be enhanced with the topic of defense mechanisms, these topics made me understand on what a person could experience when faced with excessive amounts of stress. And this can be applicable to my context of feeling tired and restless with progressing with this semester, that an individual can regress so that they can seek the comfort of the previous stage. However, while comfort is necessary for maintaining the individual’s well-being, progress is equally important, maybe even more important. While being important, it also demands from the individual a great deal of effort in order to progress, it requires one to break the boundaries between the stages. We can then allude to the enumeration I have done, why stop at Nineteen? Well, I am not yet Twenty, I have not achieved what it takes to be in that stage. I understood that progress is needed, and the process is crucial to formation of the self for it gives the individual the necessary tools to live in the context of the stage.
Lastly, is the topic of emotion. Being Nineteen can be pretty hard with the constant demands of the society and institution from you. And these excessive amounts of stress can contribute to a build up of negative emotions which can surely have great effects to one’s mood, experience, and maybe even well-being. The lesson of emotion put my thoughts and notions towards emotion straight. Before, I was blinded, that one should emit positive emotions constantly, as I should be mature about things. However, with that logic, what is then the use of the other emotions. Through the lesson, I understood that the other emotions serve a purpose, tools for you to express feelings and reactions towards a certain event. It releases a great deal of stress from the self, while also bringing humanity to the individual. In my experience, some people say “You cry like you’re nine”, or “You get upset like you’re seven”, even “Don’t get too excited, you look like you’re five”, through the lesson I can see that these are imposed by society of being stoic as one grows up, again I’m not only Nineteen, I am also Eighteen to One, but being Nineteen makes me understand my emotions in a deeper context, and how it affects me and my well-being, not from expressing it.
In conclusion, I am not only a nineteen year-old Atenean, I am so much more than that, every experience, every relationship, and every story up to this point has created the self that is identified as Jaycob Bustamante. And while the past has an effect on how I perceive myself today, the future holds the same, maybe even more, potency to the culmination of my entire being. Understanding The Self has created so much avenues for understanding what I am feeling, while also giving reminders on how one person can deal with life. Important takeaways would be: Reminding myself while comfort is necessary, Progress is equally important, emotions are tricky but never forget to understand and use them, and how I am the culmination of all my stories up to now, and stories waiting to happen. I’m Nineteen, and I can not wait to progress to the best that I can be.
The Life of Jay 